Step by Step, I trust in Life
I’m waking up in a Tropical Paradise, the temperature is perfect, the feel of my bed sheets against my skin is pleasing, the air is fragrant with the ripe pineapple’s smell that is enveloping the whole room... and yet, I feel unsettled. I feel the grumpy voice inside start its unhappy chatter – ‘this is not how I want it, this is not right, this is bad’. I listen to it for a while and feel the tension start to build up. I decide that I need to go to my ‘yoga spot’ and spend some time with myself and my thoughts. It turns out to be the best decision about my day. As I lay on my yoga mat, moving from pose to pose, I get to really listen to what thoughts and identities come up in my mind. ‘You need to learn to meditate’, one of them says. I listen to it. I lay down on my mat in savasana pose and try to concentrate on my breath. Before long, an ant bites my neck and I hear my frustrating self being unhappy about the bite that is starting to hurt. I scratch my neck and hear further thoughts of how unwelcome that ant was. ‘I’m going to kill anyone who bites me again… This is ridiculous… I want music… What the hell are you even complaining about, can you shut up?’.
I breathe in and out and decide to sit up and do a heart massage. Heart massage is a technique I learnt to correct the energy flow in the body – you circle your heart in a clockwise direction while repeating to yourself ‘Even though I have all these feelings, I still love and accept myself. I accept myself despite all these negative thoughts and feelings. I am exactly where I need to be and I love myself unconditionally’. This makes me breathe deeper, letting out a few long deep sighs. The breathing corrects itself and I am able to be less identified with the thoughts that keep coming in.
I ask myself each time a new thought comes – ‘Who is the one feeling it?’, logically knowing that I am not them. I let them play out without judging or attaching to them too much. I hear a wise voice tell me revelations and calming all the other voices. It tells me that all the worrying is coming from living in the future, worrying about the future and what it can bring. It tells me that I need to learn PATIENCE (my long-term challenge) and practice living life STEP BY STEP. It tells me that there is NO WORRY in the PRESENT. Present is where pure awareness is, observing each moment as it arises and passes. Worry can only live in the past or the future, which DO NOT EXIST. They only exist in the mind, which for most people is running on autopilot from years of conditioning. As we attach to thoughts and ideas that arise within the mind, the bad ones make us FEEL BAD in the present moment, or rather they pull us out of the moment and into themselves. They make us believe that they are real and that they should be listened and adhered to. When a bad thought comes in, the mind grabs on to it, plays it over and over again and then looks for the bad guy who brought it upon itself. Funny, isn’t it?
Upon hearing this, another voice jumps in: ‘How can we PLAN or strive towards anything if you tell us to be in the moment? This is real life, we NEED to be thinking about the future!”. I observe the two sides looking at each other. The awareness, that is me, is able to perceive both of them perfectly well. “You can think about future, but only to the point where you imagine what kind of life and future you want, you create a mental vision of where you want to go, a road map so to say. And then, you let LIFE bring that future to you, you let life unfold. You see, only when you are really present in the moment, you are OPEN to life and all of its opportunities and possibilities. You are able to see and recognise them, as you are not blocking life’s natural rhythm of flow. Everything always arises and passes. Everything is flowing, moving, changing. If you are stuck in negative feelings, you miss the flow and you fight against the current, as opposed to flowing with it. Living life step by step means recognising this flow and TRUSTING that life will provide everything you need exactly when you need it and when you are ready. Trusting life means recognising that you are both a creator and a marionette. Your eternal, spiritual self always knows what you need and how to guide you. Your physical self is often stuck in the mind, your ego, your identity, that attach to feelings, thoughts, ideas, concepts. Your physical self WANTS everything NOW, it doesn’t want to wait. But, my dear, welcome to 3D and to time-space reality, where energy usually (key word! I chuckle) does not instantly manifest. You are here to practice patience, to be present and to learn to trust life and its abundance.’
WHOA! Deep. Okay. Got it. I think. For now. I may forget tomorrow, to remember again when I’m in the flow. Note to self: Do not forget to take time EACH DAY for yourself to do any activity that you love! Yoga, piano, music, dance, grounding with bare feet, jumping and being silly. This is your door to your true self, to your heart, to practicing trusting life and living in the moment. This is the space where the mind can take the second row and the wise voice can be heard. Do not forget.
As I lay there on the mat, stretching and focusing on my breath, and integrating the wisdom that came to me, I feel alive and INSPIRED. I am still aware of my mind, its demands and all the activities I need to scratch of my ‘to do list’, but there is a calmness inside of me. I will practice taking life STEP BY STEP, not worrying too much about the future, letting go of the need for certainty, of wishing for the perfect space, or day, or mood; practicing breathing, being in the moment, noticing whatever arises, letting it go and most importantly remembering to trust life and its perfect flow. I wish the same to you.